Proverbs 4:23:
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” (KJV)
“Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.” (NCV)
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (NIV)
I know I’m not among the best, or even close to being that great, at expounding on what Scriptures mean and how to apply it. However, when it comes to thoughts and feelings, I’m just as vulnerable and as human as everyone else and have failed on following what the Bible says about what to do about them. Even right now as I write about this, it has been a point of weakness time and time again. Does that mean that I’m going to let the thoughts that tell me I’m not a victor over this, that I’m not ready to share what Proverbs 4:23 has meant to me, that God hasn’t delivered me from the prison of my own mind?
Far from it.
Fear is what’s gotten me into trouble time and time again, and my concept of what the “absence of fear” was also what got me into trouble even more times. I knew that the absence of fear was faith. My head knew this, just as much as it knew that 1+1=2. But as it was, my heart didn’t know that the absence of fear was faith. That much was evident since over and over, my thoughts would turn to doubt, to fear, to telling me “It’s not time” or “You’re not good enough for it yet” or even “This isn’t what God wills for you.” The enemy is sometimes so effective that there have been times I thought those beliefs were coming from me. How sad to know that my heart believed that 1+1=2 even more than it believed what Psalm 23 said about the Lord in my life:
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. (KJV)
“I will fear no evil: for thou art with me…” Oh Lord, forgive me for knowing this but not acting on it. This blog post is, as strange as it may seem from the outside looking in, among those things. Or more like was among those things. It only got to this point because I let those thoughts of not being good enough or being a nobody or having nothing of worth to give. I feared what people would say. I feared that no one would read this. I feared that writing this wasn’t what God wanted in my life. But God is not like that. He hasn’t called the best of the best or used the most “worthy” people to bestow a title upon. Time and time again, God has used, in humanity’s eyes, the valueless and unloved.
King David was a shepherd boy. Moses was an exile. Paul was once seen as an enemy to Christians. But God used them anyway, all because they believed what God said, and God said that He had a plan for them. And to you, and to me, God said that He loves you and He died for you and He saves and saved those who in no way can do it with their own might. But did I believe it? Like everyone else before they were saved, I didn’t. But the moment I did, the moment that I knew that there was no way I could do anything on my own without God’s help, that was where life changed.
It’s so easy, however, after that time I first believed, to fall into the trap of habits and acting purely on action. And from habit, I get distracted. And from distraction, I get my eyes off of God and be tempted to listen to the voice of the enemy. And then I start asking myself, “Why did I fall so far?”